


when you love someone

by krucxa



Series: the only thing I can do for you is to be next to you (i’m sorry) [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Depression, First Meetings, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polyamory, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Synaesthesia, THIS IS POLY CAUSE I'M POLY AND THERE'S NOT ENOUGH POLY FICS, btw i didn't say that before but chanbin has synaesthesia in this, chan/woojin/seungmin is implied even tho chan and minnie don't actually meet in the fic, changbin is whipped, it doesn't Really happen but just to be safe, it's explained the same way that it works for me, jeongin appears for a hot minute, me: hyunchanglix mate, oh also hyunjin works at a coffee shop isn't that cool, skz fandom: hyunbin or changlix?, soulmate au in which your dreams are snippets of your soulmate's day, this... is slowly turning softer, um. also
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 11:46:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14810741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krucxa/pseuds/krucxa
Summary: Changbin startled awake, his hand frantically reaching to rest on Hyunjin's palm, their fingers interlocking as his heart's race slowed down with every passing second.Hyunjin mumbled something inaudible in his sleep, his presence enough to help Changbin calm down, but this time he can't stop replaying the dream in his mind, again and again until he takes a shaky breath in, wondering.It's happening again.





	1. this is a song for you

**Author's Note:**

> can you tell i've been feeling even more depressed lately than usually because Yeah  
> anyway tho! this is so so far from being finished but gksjlkj i wanted to go back to posting somewhat regularly so! this happened! and there's still so much more that i have planned for this fic so it'll either be in two parts or in three parts if i feel creative enough you know

Changbin startled awake, his hand frantically reaching to rest on Hyunjin's palm, their fingers interlocking as his heart's race slowed down with every passing second.

Hyunjin mumbled something inaudible in his sleep, his presence enough to help Changbin calm down, but this time he can't stop replaying the dream in his mind, again and again until he takes a shaky breath in, wondering.

It's happening again.

It's a little bit frustrating, a little bit scary, and his body won't stop shaking when he remembers that the haunting scenes from his dreams were actually reality - just, not his own.

Because that's what the soulmate links were all about.

He can't stop the sob that leaves his throat as he pictures the half empty bottle, laying on its side on the floor, pills spilling from it and mixing with the sticky, suspiciously red liquid splattered all over the carpet. Black dots filled his vision, making it hard to see the arms scattered with angry cut marks, reaching for it weakly, until the image became too blurry to make anything out.

He still hears the screams coming from the phone held tightly in his palm - no, not _his_ , he reminded himself, his _soulmate's_. He felt the nausea like it was his own, he scratched at his neck, struggling to breathe, until the nightmare finally ends.

And it's too much, his breathing stubbornly refusing to even out, and he's panting as he stares at his own arm, empty of any scars, which is good, _really_ good actually, yet it fails to soothe down his anxiety. Because somehow, it feels wrong.

He sighed, sinking deeper into the pillows, his hand still not leaving Hyunjin's, and he glanced at the younger boy, feeling his gaze immediately softening at the sight of the other buried under the blankets, half his face smushed into the pillow. His lips parted, a few mumbles and simple gibberish filling the space between them, until his eyebrows knitted and his eyes slowly fluttered open, as if he sensed Changbin's gaze and it was enough to wake him up.

The boy stared back at him sleepily for a few seconds, blinking down at him owlishly before smiling gently and cuddling closer.

His presence might not be enough to stop the nightmares, but it's just enough to make him feel better, and he returns the smile. Then, his eyelids slide closed, and he drifts off hoping for no other dreams that night.

At least that, was given to him.

×

Soulmates are weird.

"No, they're not. That's more like, the entire soulmate system," corrected Hyunjin, barely sparing him a glance from where he was busy mixing instant noodles - the only thing he could make without burning the entire house down - and making Changbin realize he said the sentence out loud.

He rolled his eyes, his fingers drumming against the counter absently as he muttered, "fine, the soulmate system. Still weird though."

The quiet ticking of the clock filled the room, the younger only shrugging in reply, as if to say _fair enough_ , and the conversation died down.

It's one of those calm evenings that they're used to spending together, the sunlight barely peeking into the kitchen, sneaking through the tightly pulled curtains, neither Changbin nor Hyunjin bothering to fill the silence with chatter. Because they don't need it. Just being able to spend the time together like this, quietly enjoying each other's presence, was good enough. Because as much as they never ran out of things to talk about, the silence between them was also welcomed, calming even.

Changbin let his gaze fall on the younger, admiring the way his eyes glinted in the light, how his lip jutted out the slightest bit in concentration, a single lock of hair stubbornly pointing up in contrast to the otherwise perfectly styled hairstyle.

No, maybe not actually styled - Hyunjin didn't even need to try to look good, it's just the way he is. He was never anything short of gorgeous, no matter whether he was currently composed or if he just stumbled out of bed.

It was kind of ironic, and Changbin never failed to whine about being jealous of his looks, just to get smacked by a (cutely) blushing Hyunjin.

("Don't say things like that, you're way prettier than me," he'd reprimand Changbin while avoiding the older's gaze, the words paired with a pink tint on his ears that would somehow always make Changbin's heart flip, warmth spreading through his chest despite the fact he didn't exactly agree with the statement.)

His eyes flit over to Hyunjin's amrs, and it's like his breath got punched out of his lungs. Because there, on the inside of the boy's wrist, where a little black cross should be, he found it to be barely even visible - foundation smeared over it in a failed attempt to hide it completely, making it look like a simple blemish, and it's just, kind of sad.

It's kind of sad, because even after all those years, Hyunjin still feels the need to hide the fact that he doesn't have a soulmate, and Changbin feels his throat tighten just the slightest bit before he looks away.

It's stupid, he knows.

Technically, he doesn't have a reason to hate the soulmate system. He does have a soulmate, after all, even though he still hasn't met them yet. He knows that, sees snippets of his soulmate's day in his dreams and technically, he should consider it a gift. There's a person somewhere, out there, that's guaranteed to be a _perfect fit_ just for him, and it all would be so easy if he just got with them.

He doesn't have a cross on his wrist.

He doesn't get looks of pity from strangers whenever any of them glance at his hand, he doesn't hear the words of _I'm sorry_ every time he corrects someone, telling them he doesn't have a soulmate. He's never been bullied for it, he's never been seen as an outcast, and he's never been called _disgusting_ or _undeserving_ for it.

But Hyunjin has.

And Changbin hates it.

That's why, that night, he delicately holds Hyunjin's hand in his, brushing his knuckles with his thumb and whispers _I love you_ , again and again as he leaves a kiss to the younger boy's temple.

("Changbin?" murmured Hyunjin one day as they sat together on the windowsill, watching the cars pass by, their knees knocking against each other because of the lack of space, but neither of them really minded.

He hummed for the younger to go on, his gaze not leaving the road as he shifted into a more comfortable position.

"I'm scared."

Only then did he turn to look at Hyunjin, surprised at the sudden confession, and his eyes softened at the troubled expression on Hyunjin's face.

The sunlight kissed the boy's cheek gently, his eyes open wide and full of emotion Changbin didn't fully understand, but was still going to try.

The younger nibbled at his lip, his fingers fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt and Changbin can't believe how Hyunjin is so unaware of his own beauty.

"Why?" he asked, leaning in slightly to show Hyunjin he was paying attention, and it's like the younger reached out for his hand out of habit; honestly, Changbin wouldn't be surprised if it was a habit at this point.

"You... you have a soulmate. You have someone waiting for you. I'm scared..." he drifted off, as if it was too hard to say, as if, if he said it out loud, it would become true, and his eyes welled up with tears he refused to let out, "I'm scared of being alone."

And even though he didn't explain what he meant, he didn't have to. It was enough for Changbin to realize what was left unsaid, and he sat even closer, cupping Hyunjin's cheek and tilting his head up, just to be able to look him in the eyes.

"Hyunjin," he whispered, hoping he sounded as sincere as he felt, "I would never leave you, I promise."

The younger smiled sadly, and Changbin wasn't sure if he was completely convinced, but the way he hugged Changbin tightly right after stopped him from over thinking it.)

×

It's two in the morning and Changbin wonders how he ended up like this.

It's a fact, that he hates sleeping. He hates the nightmares that haunt him, hates to realize that all of them have actually happened, and that's why he tries his best to stray from sleep, to spend as much time awake as he possibly could - even if it ends in him crashing from exhaustion at the worst times.

He knows that Hyunjin worries for him. He knows the younger doesn't agree with what he's doing. But he also knows that Hyunjin can't stand the distress he's full of when he wakes up, so Hyunjin lets him be.

And now he's staring at the lukewarm coffee in his grasp, listening to the sound of the pretty much empty coffee shop that Hyunjin works in, and his eyelids feel so heavy, threatening to close on their own.

But he's used to this by now, so he'll manage.

There's a faint melody coming from the speakers, filling the room with the most popular songs lately that Changbin doesn't even recognize, but he's content with it. His shoelaces are untied under the table, and he doesn't even have the energy to care. If later on he trips, he probably won't get back up, giving up his fight against sleep.

He can hear Hyunjin tapping his foot against the floor as he sweeps the counter absently, the only one working at such an hour, even though barely anyone even spontaneously decides to visit a coffee shop at ass o'clock.

Maybe Changbin's the only one, actually.

And maybe he's a little bit biased, when his boyfriend works here, after all.

He hasn't even touched his coffee, but he wasn't about to anyway. It's black, no sugar, and he doesn't even need to taste it to know it's disgustingly bitter.

He doesn't like it, and Hyunjin knows he doesn't, yet the younger only quirked an eyebrow at him when Changbin ordered it and made it for him without any more protests.

He swirled the straw around, watching the coffee follow after it to keep his attention away from thinking about getting any rest.

And that's when the door of the shop opens slowly, as if the person coming in was hesitant to enter, but in the end they shuffled inside, their feet dragging tiredly against the ground and Changbin can't help but relate.

He looked up, taking a glance at the newcomer.

The guy's bleached blonde hair was in a messed state, because who would even bother to brush it at such an hour?

(Not Changbin, definitely, he thought as he reached up to touch his own tousled locks.)

He was wearing a few sizes too big, washed down grey hoodie, the edges of it slightly ruffled, making it obvious he's had it for a long time by now. Its sleeves reached down to his fingers, reminding Changbin of the term _sweater paws_ , and he couldn't hold back his lips from tilting up at that.

He wasn't sure what it was, but somehow the person felt somewhat familiar, as if they have met before - maybe they passed by each other on the street one morning? Or maybe they took some class together, that one of them didn't bother to continue?

It feels as if Changbin's being pulled in, his entire attention on the stranger - or maybe he's just delusional from lack of sleep.

Yeah, that might be right. Probably.

He watched as the boy orders, his voice soft but surprisingly deep, quiet but easily heard in the empty shop, and Changbin thinks he saw interest flit in Hyunjin's eyes as the younger looked at the newcomer, but it's gone as quick as it appeared, making Changbin wonder if he just imagined it.

It's not a surprise when he caught himself observing Hyunjin as he makes the coffee for the blonde, but his eyebrows do lift in amusement when he sees the amount of whipped cream that's added, and just how much sugar he poured inside. After drinking that, Changbin was pretty sure half of the guy's blood would be made of just sugar, but could he really judge him?

Changbin, too, liked sweets, so if anything, he only related even more now.

And it's kind of funny, how the boy quickly nods in thanks at Hyunjin when he received his drink, their fingers brushing, and Changbin can see the flush that takes over his cheeks, before he turned to look around for a place to sit and their gazes locked.

Something in the boy's expression changed. What was it, Changbin wasn't sure, but it's like they connected - you know, that mutual understanding that people only share so late at night it's actually early.

Changbin smiled - out of politeness or as an excuse to see the expression mirrored on the other's face, he wasn't going to dwell on it - and the blonde quickly shot him a grin. It's not the fullest, because his eyes still hold the same tiredness in them, but it's real, and Changbin's content with it.

They end up sitting by the same table, the blonde sitting on the other side of his shyly, and when Changbin doesn't do anything to stop him, he calms down slightly and sips on his sugar with a slip of coffee.

(Changbin kind of wishes he wasn't trying to act edgy before and bought himself something as sweet as the boy's drink. His own coffee is too cold at this point, and he knows he's just gonna throw it in the bin when he leaves with Hyunjin later.)

Deciding that watching the stranger any further would probably come off as creepy, even in this weird fever-like state at, he quickly checked, now almost three in the morning, he pulled out his phone to lazily scroll through Tumblr.

He doesn't really use it much, but it's useful at times like this, and sometimes he can find pretty funny things there, so he's never really though about deleting the app.

Also, he likes the daily Pokemon content.

That's how he spent the next half an hour, glancing at Hyunjin every now and then to check if the younger was doing alright, and stealing a few shy looks at the other side of the table.

The boy has freckles, he noticed the second time, the fact strangely adorable.

Later on his gaze also fell on the cross earring hanging from the blonde's ear, dangling loosely every time the other turned his head, and it's another thing he adds to his list of weirdly endearing things.

This time, though, when he looked up, he found the blonde sound asleep, his eyelashes creating shadows on the top of his cheeks, his lips parted slightly as his head rested on one of his palm.

His coffee stood half empty in perfect reach, and Changbin shook his head at it, not enough to keep the boy up after all.

He feels more than hears Hyunjin walking up to him, the younger putting his hands on Changbin's shoulders and resting his head on top of it, looking at the blonde in conflict.

"Should we wake him up?" he murmured, careful to keep his voice down, and Changbin's lips pulled into a smile before reaching up to brush Hyunjin's fingers in passing.

"Let the kid sleep, he's obviously tired. If he doesn't wake up until we have to leave, we can do it then."

"Okay," the younger agreed easily, hugging Changbin just a little bit tighter before going back to the counter, and Changbin could just feel his heart fill with warmth as he let his gaze linger on Hyunjin for a few seconds, then he turned back to his phone.

×

( _He's staring at the lighter in his hand, his mind both silent and at the same time filled with unnecessary thoughts. He's contemplating whether to do it or not, as if anyone would even care if they saw the result._

_His father still isn't back from work, which leaves him alone in the house and somewhat free to do anything, even though he knows he's going to get beaten up when he comes back no matter if he does anything he's not supposed to or not. Even though it would probably be worse if he did actually break something._

_He glanced at his phone, empty of any messages. It's not like he didn't know that nobody sent him anything, he'd hear the notification if they did, but it still leaves an empty feeling in his chest._

_It's stupid, he knows. But he wants to get rid of the emptiness, the lack of emotions, and he's willing to do anything for it to end._

_And so he reaches his arm into the flame.)_

Changbin wakes up with a scream, unsure whether it was his own or in the dream, and his hands struggle to find something to hold onto, anything, no, _anyone_ , but Hyunjin isn't there.

He can faintly hear a muffled curse coming from the kitchen, and he pushes Hyunjin's blankets away, suddenly feeling too hot to stand them, and his hands come to angrily wipe at his cheeks, at his closed eyes, the wet feeling making him realize he was crying, and he just can't stop it, can't stop his shoulders from shaking as he curls up at the corner of the bed.

He knows the moment that Hyunjin barges into the room, hears the door hitting the wall and only sobs harder at the sudden sound, but the younger is quick to climb onto the bed and wrap his arms around Changbin.

He feels Hyunjin's reassuring touch as he rubs circles into his back in hopes of helping him calm down and he clings to the other, unable to control the whines that left his mouth, and he knows that Hyunjin's shirt became wet with his tears but when he tried to pull back the younger only held him closer, if it was possible at this point.

And it's stupid, he knows, but he can't stop crying in Hyunjin's arms.

"What happened yesterday?" whispered the boy after a few minutes passed, when Changbin's sobs finally quieted the slightest bit, and he's hit with a wave of thankfulness, because Hyunjin understands, and he sniffs as he tries to collect himself enough to speak.

"They were... they were hurting themselves," he choked out, his hold on the younger's shirt tightening as he felt Hyunjin tense up.

"With what?" he said carefully, continuing on rubbing soothing circles into Changbin's back, and the older hiccups but opens his mouth to reply anyway.

"A lighter."

Hyunjin sighs, bringing his hands to wipe at the tears running down Changbin's cheek, then resting it there.

"We can only hope they're okay," he murmured, but continued when he saw the crestfallen look on Changbin's face, "it's not your fault. It never is. You can't stop this, at least not until you meet them."

And Changbin knows the other is right, he really does. But he still can't stop himself from feeling guilty, especially when he remembers the dreams, remembers the slips of feelings like they were his own, the scattered thoughts that haunt him at the least expected times.

And he just can't help it.

"You shouldn't feel this way," Hyunjin tries again, and for now it makes Changbin feel better, but he knows that after the next nightmare he's going to feel the exact same way.

×

Changbin's panting as he leans against the mirror hanged on the wall. His legs aching, his shoulders hunched and he sighed, finally getting some time to rest.

Minho stopped the music that filled the room barely seconds before, and Changbin watched as the older walked towards the few water bottles standing on a windowsill.

It's kind of their thing now, meeting up in the practice room, Minho teaching him a choreography just because the older suggested it one time and Changbin was a fool big enough to agree despite knowing he wasn't in the best shape lately.

But even though it's tiring, and his legs sometimes ache for the next two days, he still likes it. He likes how he can forget about the world for a second, dance his feelings away, and most importantly spend some time with his friend - which, he would never say out loud, because him and Minho had just that kind of friendship where they would smack each other for any signs of sappiness.

("Someone skipped leg day," commented Minho the first time they've danced together, Changbin doubled over and gasping for air in the corner of the room.

He shot the older a glare before murmuring _shut up_ which earned him both a kick in the shin and an amused chuckle.)

After grabbing one of the bottles, Minho glanced at him questioningly, and he just replied by nodding, too out of breath to say anything.

But of course, it was Minho after all, so instead of the older simply handing him it, the bottle was thrown at him. As if Changbin wasn't currently dying from too much movement or anything.

But he did leap for it, sighing in relief when he managed to catch it, before leaning back again and gulping down the water as if his life depended on it.

Which, kind of felt like it did.

("Yeah, get some of that good, refreshing h2o!" Minho shouted at him one time while throwing him finger guns and then moonwalking out of the room.

Changbin just kinda stared at him, lowkey wondering if he would still be called guilty for murder if he defended himself with the victim acting so lame he couldn't even control himself.)

"You seem really tired lately."

Changbin glanced up at the older questioningly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before placing down the bottle, now half empty.

"Like, exhausted, even," continued Minho, sitting next to him, his eyes not leaving Changbin as if searching for something, but what it was - Changbin wasn't sure.

"Really?" he murmured, the deadly serious look in Minho's eyes kind of scary when he started paying enough attention to it, making it hard to maintain eye contact.

"I think this is the first time I've seen your eye bags being so... visible."

And that, Changbin can't hide.

Because he knows that it shows, how much he doesn't sleep, just how little rest he gets, and he can't really do anything about it. It's obvious, almost as if he had it tattooed on his forehead, the word _exhausted_ written in big, bold letters, and Minho was always the fast type of person to caught up on these things.

So, really, there isn't a point in even attempting to hide it.

"I can't... sleep," he muttered, his gaze locked on the floor, and his eyebrows furrowed at his own words, "no, not even that. It's not that I can't sleep, it's just that I choose not to."

Minho nodded in understanding, and that's when Changbin realized he probably does understand - because it's Minho. And the older's had his own share of nightmares, until they all ended with a bang, continued only by white noise.

It's a little bit sad, how something seemed to change in Minho's eyes, a sudden empty expression before it softened into pity.

But not that annoying kind of pity you get from people who don't understand what you're going through, that don't take it seriously because they assume it's just a simple mood that would pass in a few hours - bit the one of a person watching as something happens the same way it was for them.

Again, it's kind of sad, but also a little bit comforting, in its own way.

"Your soulmate?" was what left Minho's lips in the end, a barely audible whisper, and Changbin can't say anything, only nod silently before Minho sighed and moved back the slightest bit, his gaze locking onto the ceiling, deep in thoughts.

It's something that Changbin's noticed about the older, how he sometimes would just shut off, not even aware he was doing it, his mind wandering so wildly you could practically hear it. He's also learned that the best way to act at those times was to just let him be - he'd resurface from his daydreaming eventually, anyway.

And this time, it didn't took him too much time to speak again.

"Sometimes, I wonder... what would she think of me if she was still here, if we have ever met before she-" he interrupts himself, shaking his head lightly, as if to get rid of the thoughts haunting him, and it hurts.

It hurts to see his friend like that, so Changbin wraps his arm around Minho's shoulders silently, letting the older lean into him for comfort, until they both feel at least somewhat better, enough to leave the practice room and go their own ways.

×

It doesn't take a long time until they see the blonde again.

Once again, they met at the coffee shop, this time though it was more of a normal hour of the day. The clock read six in the evening when the door slid open, the boy poking his head in and looking around the room before entering.

It was kind of endearing, if Changbin had do be honest, and he nodded in greeting at the newcomer, the boy's face immediately brightening up with a genuine smile.

And maybe, just maybe Changbin was slightly charmed.

The blonde walked over to the counter, and really, he was so captivating, Changbin couldn't believe the rest of the people in the shop weren't turning back to stare at him, because Changbin definitely couldn't stop himself from doing so.

And as he took a seat, one chair separating him from Changbin, he realized that the same hoodie the blonde was wearing today, was bunched up over his elbow, but something else made him stop in his tracks.

It's the countless splashes of bruises across his arm, the pink, jarred lines scattered over his knuckles, and he can't tear his eyes away from it.

He stared as the guy waited to get noticed, stared as he ordered and it's as if the blonde was unaware of his terrified gaze, as if the only thing he could focus on was the coffee that was being made for him, and Changbin could only look away when a stray straw collided with the back of his neck.

He turned to glare at the culprit, which (unsurprisingly) turned out to be Hyunjin, the younger mouthing _stop being a creep_ at him.

Changbin just glared harder.

But really, was it his fault how he instantly felt nausea prod at his throat at the too familiar sight?

He shook his head quickly. No, he wasn't going to think about it now. He's here to cheer up Hyunjin in the middle of his work, not to panic, no matter how the feeling just wouldn't let him be.

"You have good taste."

He startled, glancing at the blonde, the other already staring back at him. He's heard his voice before, that's true, but he still wasn't used to just how deep it was. Even though, it also seemed a little hushed today, and a lot more soothing when heard up close instead of across the whole café.

Changbin blinked, his gaze falling to his coffee, this time the way he actually liked it, then to the boy's own, only to stare at him again, confused.

"What?" he mumbled without any more thought.

_Way to sound like an idiot_ , he heard Hyunjin's voice in his mind.

It was scarily accurate.

The boy nodded his head at Changbin's coffee, his eyes glinting amusedly, and Changbin's cheeks suddenly felt hot for some reason.

"Your coffee. Looks pretty sweet, I approve," he explained. Changbin just smiled, albeit a little stiffly - unsure what to do.

But the boy mirrored his expression, a sincere grin on his lips, and Changbin just can't believe how genuinely nice the other is.

(They don't talk much. It's mostly just flitting looks, shy smiles and the shared understanding. Changbin has no idea how it works, but it's there, and they enjoy sitting together in silence, only chatting with Hyunjin every now and then when the boy has the time.

Sometime in between all of this, the blonde introduces himself as _Felix_.

The name leaves a somewhat warm feeling in his chest, but Changbin pays it no mind. Instead, he offers Felix his own name, and Hyunjin's as well.)

×

Changbin remembers the first dream that resulted in him crying almost too well.

( _He's stumbling onto the bridge, his legs somehow managing to tangle with thin air, but he manages to catch his balance in time. A sigh leaves his lips in a white puff, disappearing in the cold air, and he guesses luck wasn't exactly on his side that day._

_But honestly, was it ever?_

_It's a late autumn night, something around four in the morning, at least he thinks it is._

_Not the perfect image to die for, but all puns aside, that's literally what he was here for._

_But as he looks around the bridge, he notices something that wasn't supposed to be there. Not in his plans, at least. And as he squinted at it, it also seemed to be more of a some_ one _than what he first thought it was._

_A boy is standing behind the railing, his feet barely peeking out the edge, and the way his head is slumped to the side, looking down as if wondering just how long the fall would be, it all reminds him of his own self._

_Maybe even a little bit too much for his liking._

_"Hey, asshole! If you're not going to jump then move away, some people actually want to kill themselves tonight!" he shouts over the distance, the unexpected words visibly startling the other, "also, I was gonna do it on this bridge, find yourself another one."_

_He's slowly getting closer to the other currently looking back at him, having whipped his head up so fast he's concerned for the stranger's well being. He doesn't even realize he's analizing the way he looks until he catches himself staring intensely at the boy's hair._

_He can't tell the exact color it is in the dark, but somehow it still manages to looks soft. He briefly considers asking what shampoo the boy uses._

_"What, are you saying this bridge is yours now? I was here first!" snarls the boy, his voice neither really deep nor high, but it wavers the slightest bit as he continues, his head hanging low again, "Yeah, I'm... of course, of course I'm gonna do it! I will... I... I can..."_

_And it's easy to tell just how scared he is, the way he stutters on his own words, his grip on the railing tightening so much his knuckles turn pale, and it's like a heavy weight on his heart as he stops right next to the boy._

_The stranger takes in quick, shallow breaths, his eyes widening and he's pretty sure the boy's knees are also trembling._

_It feels wrong._

_So he tries. He doesn't exactly know what he's trying to do, but he tries._

_"Hey, dude, do you want to take a few steps back, talk about it a little?" he asks, reaches out to touch his shoulder reassuringly but stops mid-air, realizing that maybe it wasn't the best idea, especially if the other wasn't comfortable with skinship, "you know, a little heart to heart from one suicidal person to another?"_

_It's not funny; they both chuckle anyway._

_The boy nods his head quickly, probably too quickly for it not to hurt, and he fidgets his fingers as he tries to say something, his voice failing him every time._

_It's kind of sad to look at, and his gaze softens as he says, "It's okay. It really is."_

_And it's as if this is what the boy needed to hear, to reassure, and he nods rapidly again before clumsily backing up._

_He helps the boy get over the railing; it's worrying, just how light the other feels._

_They sit in a safe distance from the edge, closer than any strangers would feel comfortable with, but he guesses situations like that bring people together. The bridge is still empty, no cars in sight, but the town isn't really that big, so it's to be expected._

_Honestly, he's glad they're alone here. It's way less awkward like this, without anyone overhearing their conversation, the only witnesses the stars above._

_Sure, he has this uneasy feeling as if they're mocking them, seeming so close but unreachable at the same time, and he refuses to look at them as the stars laugh at their misfortune._

_"Why were you going to jump?" he murmurs, because he knows, he sees it in the other's eyes, that the boy needs to get it out, to get rid of his own thoughts; he can wait for his own turn._

_"My... my soulmate. You know, it's kinda stupid. But also pretty ironic, when you think about it," the corner of his lips turns up, not reaching his eyes, "they rejected me."_

_It's like a slap on the face, and he stares dumbfounded at the other, his mouth opening and closing like an out of water fish, but he can't find any words to say._

_The boy just smiles sadly._

_"See? It's like I wasn't self conscious enough already," his fingers are pulling at his jeans anxiously, and his lips twitch before he continues, "Really, what's the point in living if the one person that was supposed to accept me has actually turned their back to me?"_

_His hysterical giggle fills the space between them, slowly fading into silence._

_A chilly breeze passed them, and they shuffle closer, the boy's head falling on top of his own shoulder; they decide to live another day._

_A few minutes later, the boy murmurs his name into the night - Jisung, he says - followed by him replying with_ my name is- _)_

The dream suddenly ends.

Changbin's cheeks are wet with tears, but he only realizes it when Hyunjin asks him if he's okay when he comes into the kitchen.

He doesn't reply.

×


	2. i'm singing for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo okay turns out this is gonna be a 3 chapter series!! cause i really love this concept and i'm making it slightlt longer than i originally planned uwu  
> this chapter is less angsty than the last one, so there's at least that, right?  
> also, this is unbeta'd, as always at this point lmao

The grocery store is too crowded for his liking when he comes in, but he tells himself to bear with it and shuffles into the nearest isle.

It's weekend, which means more people coming in for their weekly grocery shopping, which means Changbin doesn't have a choice if he wants to eat something that day.

And maybe the lights are too bright, too harsh, and maybe he's pushing the cart with his eyes half closed, but who can really blame him for that?

He's just tired, so tired, and the weird atmosphere inside the shop doesn't help.

He needs to go to an art shop after this, Hyunjin has asked him to buy a certain brush he absolutely _needs_ to finish his new painting - Changbin has no idea why this one, and the name of it doesn't tell him anything, but if it's for Hyunjin, he'll do it.

He slows down, finally opening his eyes wider and actually looking for the things he's here for. They've ran out of cereal, that he's sure of; milk, he thinks there's still some in the fridge, so he doesn't have to buy any for now.

His gaze falls onto a box of sweets, and he stops completely, not even aware of it.

His fingers drum against the cart, and he thinks. He's weak, he knows, but sweets are one of the things that he's most passionate about - okay, he's maybe joking. Or maybe, only half-joking.

He's not sure at this point.

The box is calling his name, and he squinted at it, nibbling at his lip in thought. Can they afford it?

Scratch that.

He reaches out for the box, the tips of his fingers almost touching it, and he can already feel the sweet taste on his tongue, but then-

Someone snatches it before him.

He turns to to glare at the culprit, his grip on the cart tightening and he huffs angrily, "hey! That was mine!" but then his gaze softens at the sight of blonde locks paired with a shy smile.

"Oh, really? Sorry man, I can give it back if you still want it," replies the other, and Changbin should have known.

Because _of course_ , it would have been Felix.

If there's anyone on this earth that likes sweets as much as Changbin does, it's him.

"I... really do," he murmurs, but then adverts his gaze, "but you know, you can keep it. You have as much right to it as I do, after all."

But the next thing he knows, the boy bends down and puts the box inside Changbin's cart, and this is the moment Changbin realizes just how tall the other is.

Sure, he's not as tall as Hyunjin, but he still has a few good centimetres over him, and he doesn't know how to feel about it.

But it's like his heart decides for him, because his chest feels kind of weird, kind of warm for a few seconds.

"Here, you've spotted it first, I saw how starry eyed you got when staring at it. It took you some time to finally go for it," says Felix, and Changbin can literally hear the laugh in his voice as he continues, "besides, I didn't actually want it much. Just wanted to mess with you."

Changbin blinks at him, before huffing and turning around to leave that one aisle.

He can't hold back a smile though, when he hears the choked out _hey!_ , followed by rushed footsteps - but it doesn't last long, because Felix is suddenly next to him, full on smiles and all that, and Changbin curses the blonde's long legs in his mind.

Felix hums; Changbin just shoots him a questioning glance.

"We really should stop always meeting in all kinds of stores," comments the boy with a chuckle. And it's true, when Changbin actually thinks about it, that they keep on seeing each other in shops.

"Yeah, funny."

He sees Felix fidgeting with his sleeves out of the corner of his eye - the blonde is wearing another hoodie, this time deep red. It looks comfortable, and really soft. Changbin briefly wonders how would it feel to have it on.

(He also wonders if there's a specific reason why Felix always seems to wear hoodies.

He decides not to ask.)

"Maybe we could meet outside of any shops, sometime?" murmurs the blonde, so quietly that Changbin barely hears it, but he does and his head whips around so fast it kind of hurts for a few seconds.

"You mean, actually? Really?"

He scrunches his nose at how stupid he sounds, but his brain can't come up with anything else to say, stunned.

Felix nods, almost shyly, "yeah."

And later, Changbin leaves the store with a new number in his phone.

×

The music filled the room, loud and upbeat and Changbin would probably dance along to it, or at least swing slowly to it, if he wasn't so exhausted.

He leaned against the mirrors again, watching Minho dance. It was all harsh movements that still managed to flow perfectly with the melody paired with an intense, focused expression, which honestly made him look both kind of scary and passionate at the same time.

At times like that, Changbin wishes he was as passionate about something as Minho is about dancing.

It was so obvious, the pure love for it so visible when he moved, to the point that people would start associating him with dance.

And Changbin wasn't surprised; he kind of associated Minho with it too.

Because Minho was exactly that. He was the late dance practices, he was the heart racing from adrenaline, the satisfaction after successfully learning a whole, new choreography.

Changbin saw Minho in the way his legs would ache after working out just a little too hard, in the familiar music blaring through his headphones at night, in a sweat stained shirt he threw to the laundry bin after getting back home.

Minho was red - that's what Changbin was sure of. His determination, his passion, his snarky comments and sassy replies, it all made Changbin associate him with the color.

But sometimes, Minho was also green - his genuine smiles, the way he silently cared, showing it in the least obvious ways, it was all light green splashes in Changbin's mind. And when Minho's eyes darkened, his shoulders slumped in that way they always did when his heart clouded with sadness, his voice dripped with deep, dark green, that Changbin would rather never feel again.

He shook his head lightly, just to get rid of the thought.

He's not sure when the door to the practice room opened; neither him nor Minho heard it, the sound too quiet compared to the blaring music. But he did notice movement from the corner of his eye, and he turned around just to see two people standing by the entrance, waiting for Minho to finish his session. One of them was Woojin, that Changbin knew They didn't talk much, but they always exchanged a smile when Changbin came into the building, before the older would hand him the keys to the room.

But next to Woojin stood a boy Changbin didn't recognize - or, more like, he felt as if he he's seen the other somewhere before, he just wasn't sure where.

The boy was staring at Minho in awe, his eyes full of amazement and mouth parted in a silent gasp.

Honestly, Changbin understood him perfectly - he had the same reaction when he first saw Minho dance.

It took some time for Minho to notice the newcomers, too focused on the music to pay attention to anything besides it - but when he did, he lost his footing and stumbled, before catching his balance again.

Changbin hid a snicker behind his hand as Woojin walked over to the speakers and turned the volume down, even though he was pretty sure Minho saw it anyway - considering his piercing glare and all that.

Yeah, he definitely could act scary at times.

"Hey, Minho," called the oldest, waving passingly in a greeting.

The said boy's expression instantly changed, brightening his face with a smile that reached his eyes and he turned to face the two - once again stilling at the sight of the stranger.

It was kind of funny to watch, honestly.

Changbin's never seen Minho getting flustered - especially not in front of people he didn't know.

"I told you about Jisung, right?" said Woojin, the other replying with a nod, and then he gestured vaguely at the stranger as he continued, "you wanted to meet him, so here he is. Jisung? This is Minho, even though I'm pretty sure you know that already."

The boy sputtered at the words, his cheeks blooming with a rosy blush, looking for anything to say.

Unable to do so, he just smacked the older in the arm in retaliashion.

Woojin only chuckled fondly, and Changbin found himself unable to hold back a giggle of his own.

But then, something hit him.

Minho came up to the other two, greeting the boy properly, and Changbin knew that, saw it in his peripheral vision - but he couldn't hear it, couldn't focus on it, because his mind was too clouded for him to pay any attention to it.

Because he knew that name, knew it for so long that he's almost forgot it by now, and oh.

That's why the boy seemed familiar.

Because Changbin still remembers the way his cerulean blue voice was stained with black in that one dream, contrasting his light, orange personality that he's only saw later. Occasionally, the snippets of his soulmate's days would show the boy again and again - they were the only good dreams Changbin's ever had.

But they weren't always good, no matter how much he associated it with Jisung.

Sometimes, in the dreams, Jisung was yellow - with his full grins and caring touches. But most of the time, he was orange, at least as much as Changbin could tell - because after all, he's never seen him outside of the dreams, in which it didn't even occur that often.

But maybe, just maybe, Changbin will get to see his entire color palette if they spend enough time with each other in the future.

Needless to say, Jisung kept them company on the rest of their dance practices from now on.

×

_(He can't stand it, can't stand the shouted curses and slurred insults he can hear coming from downstairs._

_His father got back home, which isn't that hard to deduce, to be honest - especially when he can hear his own name screamed angrily, a sloppy thud following it - probably his father bumping into a wall or a chair, he guesses - and he flinches at the sound of breaking glass._

_He knows he's safe at the moment, his father is too drunk to even stumble his way upstairs, but he still can't stop the anxiety, can't stop his heart from racing, and he just can't stand it anymore._

_The door to the balcony is opened before he knows it, and he leaves the house as silently as he possibly can, hoping that his father won't notice his absence in the state he's in._

_He's not even sure where he's going - it's late evening, most of the people already back in their own homes, the streets mostly empty. It's cold; he pushes down the sleeves of his hoodie and grits his teeth, telling himself to bear with it._

_He can't bother Jisung today, that he knows. The other was in a good mood the last few days, and he's finally meeting that one dancer he can't keep his eyes away from - and he can't take that from him._

_Not this time._

_And so he keeps going forward, not even paying attention to where he's going, until he passes by a familiar sign and he turns back to glance at the coffee shop his legs brought him to._

_Hyunjin's inside, as he always is whenever he comes by, and it leaves a funny feeling in his stomach._

_He pushes the door open before he can overthink this.)_

Changbin's eyes flutter open and he stares up at the ceiling, unsure what to make of the dream.

×

"Hyunjin, what are you doing?"

He couldn't help but blurt out the words, and Hyunjin just blinked up at him from where he sat on the floor, a pen in his hand, a drawing pad lying loosely in his lap.

The boy glanced at the floor, at the paper and groaned softly.

"I don't know," he whined, hiding his face behind his arm and honestly, Changbin would find it cute if he wasn't so confused.

He shuffled to sit next to the other, gently taking the drawing and pulling it onto his own legs.

And he wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this.

There were sketches of deep, dark eyes, half closed in a smile - adorned by galaxies of freckles, warm colors splattered across the page and blonde locks falling on top of them in soft waves.

In the corner, there were doodles of sloppily drawn hearts, as if he wasn't even paying attention nor aware that he was painting them, and it's adorable, in its own way.

Changbin's lips pulled into a smile, his hand reaching out to rest on Hyunjin's shoulder.

"He's cute, isn't he?" he murmured, finally tearing his eyes away from the unfinished painting, and the other just nodded quickly, his ears flushed.

Changbin couldn't help but admire the sight.

"He came into the shop yesterday, when you were with Minho," mumbled the younger, his voice a higher pitch than usual and falling from purple to light pink hues, "he seemed kinda down at first, but he still smiled at me with a cute little wave."

It's funny, how Changbin could perfectly imagine Felix doing it, without even actually seeing him.

"And later, we talked... and talked... and he stuttered a few times, and he kept on blushing, it was so cute," Hyunjin's voice cracked towards the end, before he once again buried his face in his hand, his brush falling to the floor with a quiet _tap_ , and it all filled Changbin's chest with warmth.

So he wrapped his arms around Hyunjin's chest and brought him closer, cuddling like that for the next half an hour.

×

The night is quiet, the sky clear of any clouds, but despite it Changbin still can't fully calm down from the nightmare. Not this time.

He's tired, and the only thing he wants right now is to sleep, but he knows that he'd only end up having even more nightmares; so he doesn't.

He's not sure if it's from the sleep deprivation or if he's just delusional because of the late hour, but as he looks up at the moon, it leaves him feeling some kind of sentimental.

A chilly breeze passes him, and he shivers slightly, his hands coming up to his shoulders in attempt to stay at least somewhat warm.

The empty road he perched on seems never-ending, surrounded by tall, tall trees and he kind of feels as if he found himself in a scene straight from a fairy tale; it has a weird feeling about it, but he pays it no mind.

Instead, he looks up, mesmerized, at the sky above.

And he thinks.

"I don't understand," he murmurs, his breath leaving his mouth in a white puff, "what's the purpose? Why does the soulmate system exist, if it only ends in heartbreak?"

The stars just twinkle gently in reply.

It's ironic, a little bit, but he keeps pushing, searching for an answer, because he just wants to _understand_.

"What's the purpose, if it doesn't even work? If people end up alone, just because _something_ decided they don't get a soulmate? Or because the seemingly perfect fit isn't as perfect as they make it out to be?"

Once again, the moon keeps silent.

But someone else replies in its place.

"I don't think it's the system that's wrong."

It's unexpected, but to Changbin's defence, he doesn't jump - just, startles the slightest bit.

(Enough for his butt to get hurt in the process.

But he won't admit it when Felix'll tease him about it later.)

"Whose fault is it, then?" he asks, not bothering to hide the confusion from his voice. It would be useless at this point, really.

(At least the other isn't judging him for chatting with the moon.)

The newcomer shuffles closer, quietly, before taking a seat next to him on the cold, harsh ground.

He winces at the uncomfortable feeling, and Changbin just shrugs lightly, because it's not like they have much of a choice - he really doesn't want to sit in the middle of the wet, tall grass before them.

It's silent for a few seconds, so silent that he wonders if he should ask again, but then Felix sighs and his fingers drum against his thigh before he speaks.

"I think... it's people that we should blame for this."

His eyes are locked on his lap, and despite the dark, Changbin still can see his freckles.

In Changbin's completely unbiased opinion, the galaxies on his cheeks put to shame all the stars above.

"The system, when it all appeared, we didn't get any instructions for it, no matter how silly it soundds," continues the blonde, the words earning him a slight smile from the older, "we just kind of assumed that the person, or people, in our dreams are our soulmates. But really, does it even make sense? It could even show us our mortal enemy, for all we know."

Changbin can't hold back a laugh at that, and it doesn't take long for the younger to join in.

It's comfortable, talking about this with Felix - he doesn't even know why.

It's just a fact, and usually the only people that he could talk with about deep things like that were Hyunjin and Chan. He's glad, that he got to meet Felix - even if their relationship doesn't have a name yet.

Are they friends? Acquaintances? Strangers, that meet at the least expected times and share deep talks in the middle of the night?

"You mean like, an evil clone of some sorts?" he replies as their laughter dies down, and the younger turns to him, his smile so bright Changbin briefly wonders wheter his sight will still be okay after this; but mainly he's just starstruck.

"Kill your double," jokes Felix, wiggling his eyebrows just for the sake of it, and that's when Changbin loses it.

The rest of the night is spent full of uncontrollable giggles and leaning on each other for support while shaking from laughter.

×

_CHANGBIN_

He stared at the text displayed on his phone, blinking owlishly at the one word message.

That's totally not ominous. Not at all.

He looked around, ready to ask Hyunjin if he should already prepare his early funeral, but then he remembered that the younger was busy painting in his room - and he didn't want to bother Hyunjin right now.

So he hesitantly typed in a reply to his dear friend's (omnious as hell) text.

_what?_

He didn't have to wait long to get another message.

_i have one, simple question_  
_how is it that u know both of my soulmates and i still don't even know who they are_  
_this isn't fair_

He felt his eyebrows lift in amusement, and it's kind of funny, when he thought about it more - him and Chan never actually met in real life, as their friendship began on tumblr, back when Chan still lived in Australia - yet the older already saw him in his own dreams. Even repeatedly, to that.

He didn't know whether he should feel honoured or annoyed, that he's never seen the other neither in pictures, nor in his own dreams.

_be careful, or i'll snatch both from you_

_this is cyberbullying?_

He couldn't help but chuckle at his friend's reaction, and he fell back onto his bed, burying in the soft blankets.

What's even more funny, was that even though he's never seen the other, he did hear his voice before - they've talked a lot. Like, actually, a lot. They've known each other for so long, it would be weird if they haven't called each other even once at this point.

Changbin likes Chan's voice. It's not as deep as Felix's own, but it's still somewhere on the deeper side - despite that though, he could probably hit the highest notes whenever he's embarrassed or excited. Of course, he's teased him about it - just a little bit. Because they're friends, so he has the right to do it sometimes.

But what he likes the most is just how soft Chan's voice is. Sure, the older could pull off a husky, harsh tone anytime, especially while joking around, but usually it had this gentle vibe about it, Changbin kind of wished they would make a rap duet of sorts - maybe a trio, if they found someone else to join.

Because 2racha doesn't sound near as cool as 3racha does.

Chan's voice was a light peach - falling into deep red when he spoke especially deep, but Changbin preffered the first one more.

Maybe because it was his own, unique tone, that Changbin's never seen a copy of.

_how does it feel to have two soulmates?_

_u've already asked me that_

He rolled his eyes at the reply.

_you know what i mean  
how do you know which one's in the dream?_

_it's actually pretty easy_  
_they both have a different vibe about it, i guess. it's like i can feel their personality through the dream_  
_also, one of them is taller than the other, and since they frequently go to the same place for some reason, they have a slightly different perspective_  
_even though..... i'm pretty sure they're both taller than me_

_shortie_

_you're shorter than me, changbin._

_shit_

_don't u curse young man_  
_u're gonna get grounded_

He chuckled, his grip on the phone weakening, which resulted in the thing falling on top of his face.

He grumbled, turning to lie on his side so he wouldn't repeat the same mistake again.

_fuck, sorry_

_changbin, i swear to god_

_uwu_

×

It's not often that Hyunjin comes with him to his dance practices with Minho. And not because the younger doesn't want to, it's just that most of the time, their meet ups line up with his work, and the last thing they all want is for Hyunjin to lose his job.

When he does, though, that's when Changbin remembers what he first (unknowingly, at the time) fell for when they first met.

Hyunjin's a dancer, and a good one at that.

Honestly, even more than good.

Changbin would even call him mesmerising. Really, his movements, the way he seems not to even hear music but _feel_ it when he dances, it all steals his breath away every time.

So whenever Hyunjin joins them, most of the time he just stands by the windows, and he can't help but stare.

But today is one of those days when Hyunjin doesn't let him do that - he grabs his hand and pulls him in, closer onto the center of the room, and keeps his arm around his waist.

And Changbin kind of struggles to breathe.

It's as if he doesn't remember how to move his legs that suddenly feel like jelly, because all he can concentrate on is Hyunjin and the music that the younger spins them to, and the wide smile on Hyunjin's lips, reaching his eyes and _oh_ , there's the mole under his eye that Changbin loves so much-

But then Minho coughs and the spell is broken.

So Changbin just flips him off before leaning in and leaving a gentle kiss on Hyunjin's cheek, ignoring the over exaggerated sigh he can hear from the other end of the room.

It's funny, because he knows that after all, Minho supports them wholeheartedly. Supports them even though they're not soulmates, even though Changbin still hasn't met his soulmate, even though Hyunjin still gets scared of their future.

But they still joke around, Minho acting disgusted at any sign of pda, even though he doesn't really mean it.

It's nice.

Changbin likes their friendship the way it is.

Today's weird, not only because of that, but also because Seungmin's also joined them, even though the younger mostly stays in the room next door. The boy likes singing more than dancing, but it does happen that at times, he comes, too - and as Changbin said, it's nice.

"My soulmates are so stupid," blurts out Seungmin at one point, and they all turn to him, surpised.

Because Seungmin never talks about his soulmate, never even mention them in passing, and him saying something about the system in the middle of practice was as usual as him actually acting cute. But wait-

"Soulmates?" asks Changbin, blinking slowly at Seungmin in confusion, and the younger huffs, waving his hand passingly.

"Yeah, soulmates. There's two of them. But the thing is, they're both idiots."

Hyunjin nods his head to the side, confused, and Changbin just _relates_.

"Why?" murmurs the boy, his voice soft as if he feared anything more would scare Seungmin off, make him close off and never mention his soulmates again.

It's really a good thing, that what Seungmin says next isn't what either of them expected; it's way better, compared to Changbin's already running wild thoughts.

"Neither of them can take care of themselves properly! Seriously, they're both so stupid, one of them just got a cold while the other just won't stop working. They're such idiots," his gaze falls to the ground and Changbin's kind of scared at just how harsh his glare is, "seriously, if only I could take care of them myself... I will do it. Someday..."

And really it's just kind of a weird day, kind of unusual, as they all spent the rest of the evening literally glued to Seungmin in hopes of cheering him up; Changbin barely notices the absence of Woojin when they leave the building that night.

×

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the kudos and comments!! i love u all <33  
> if u wanna talk to me or whatever else, my tumblr is @straymemes!! feel free to hmu  
> I FUCKED UP OKAY I FUCKED UP MY STUPID SLEEP DEPRIVED BRAIN WAS LIKE "HEY WHO WAS IT THAT WAS GONNA HAVE TWO SOULMATES?? MINHO?? OKAY SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT" AND WROTE THAT FUCKING IN FKHSJDHSJ BUT IT'S ALL GOOD NOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SEUNGMIN, THANK U ANON FOR POINTING OUT THAT IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE <3333333  
> oh btw binnie's synaesthesia is completely based on my own here? also i'm trying to keep it lowkey since it's not a part of the main plot,, but it's still there. also, the colors for the members aren't randomly picked - they're the colors i kinda,, see them in, i guess. lmao. i hope it's not confusing?


	3. 내 모든걸 다 줄게

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whooooo i'm finally done!! i'm sorry that it took so long, but did you see how long this chapter is? it's more than the last two chapters paired, which i still can't believe by the way  
> anyway, i'll ramble more later, now just go read this kshdnshjd

It's kind of funny, how fast Jisung adapts to their - two times a week - dance practices.

Really, it only takes him ten minutes to win over Minho. Because he's exactly like Changbin remembers him to be from his dreams.

Okay, maybe a little bit less depressing - but his eyes literally sparkle when he talks, his hands waving excitedly to get his point across, and it's just simply cute.

So cute that he isn't even surprised when Minho's cheeks gain this pinkish tint about them.

Changbin kind of wants to ask Jisung to teach him skills of basic human interaction.

But mostly he's just watching the duo interact from afar. Or, as far as the not so big practice room will let him.

There's this thing that he quickly notices about Jisung. It's all the littlest details, but when he pays enough attention to it, it's hard to ignore.

It's the little questionable stains at the back of his shirt, the too big jeans that he seems to drown in, the way his shoes look as if they're about to fall apart - all of it leaves an empty feeling in his chest.

Because he remembers the one dream he had so long ago, remembers it so well it's actually a little concerning - because really, how could he forget something like that?

_("What's your family like, Jisung?"_

_The said boy turns to face him, his face blank, the only exception his eyebrows that rose high, questioning._

_He doesn't really have any explanation - he's just curious._

_They've known each other for months now, yet the topic of relatives never really came up. Maybe it's just that, without any actual reason - or maybe they both would rather avoid talking about it._

_It wouldn't be too much of a stretch to assume this was the answer._

_Honestly, at this point, he was pretty sure it was the truth._

_Jisung's gaze falls to the ground and his hand immediately reaches out to pick at the grass - a nervous habit of sorts, he guesses._

_"Why are you asking?"_

_He just shrugs lightly in reply._

_"I guess I'm just curious. You don't have to tell me, though, if it would make you uncomfortable," he hums, and he falls back into the grass, staring up at the clouded sky - it's early autumn, which means it's not so cold that they have to wear an uncomfortable amount of clothes, but the leaves on the nearby trees start to gain some color - and he likes it, likes the gentle red and browns taking over the greens - it's kind of, pretty, in his opinion._

_He feels more than sees the other lying down next to him, their shoulders brushing the slightest bit, but his gaze stays up, focused on the grey clouds above._

_"My family... isn't actually bad, if that's what you're asking," murmurs Jisung, then falls silent for the next few minutes. It's to that point that he's pretty sure this is all explanation he's going to get - because he isn't going to push the older out of his comfort zone - but then Jisung takes a shaky breath and continues, "my father... isn't here anymore. He and mom weren't ready for kids, so when it turned out my mom was pregnant he... he left."_

_It's clear, that it's not an easy topic for Jisung. He takes his time, his mouth opening, closing, then opening back again, and he's about to say something but he changes his mind and fiddles with his flannel._

_So he waits._

_"My mom never got together with anyone else after that," the corner of his mouth twitches, a sad smile finding its place on his lips, "we live with my grandparents, but... it's hard. And I want to help my mom out, so that there would be another person bringing at least some amount of money back home, but no matter where or who I ask, they keep saying that I'm_ too young _or_ not qualified _for the job... and it just hurts, to see all of my family struggling financially, but the truth is that I can only watch helplessly."_

_He falls silent once again, his eyes trained straight ahead, even though he's pretty sure that Jisung's too deep in his thoughts to actually focus on anything he's looking at; the boy runs his fingers through the green, green grass._

_He'd even go as far to say the grass seems lighter than his own future at this point._

_"And my mom loves me, really, but... I know that sometimes, she wishes I wasn't born. Because everything would be easier for them, and dad would've never left and I-" he interrupts himself, stuttering on the next words he says, "when it happens... I agree with her."_

_It's quiet for the next few minutes, Jisung's thoughts running wild, and he's pretty sure the older even forgets about his presence for a second - so he shuffles closer, just enough so that he can comfort Jisung by skinship._

_"You know, my father... is kind of an asshole, too," he murmurs, and he sees Jisung perking up from the corner of his eye, the boy's curious gaze falling on him, waiting for him to go on, "he's completely obsessed with drinking, and he never knows when to stop. He always comes back home drunk, itching to get out all of his frustrations on the only other person inside, which, surprise, is his own fucking child."_

_It's stupid, really, because he doesn't feel like crying when talking about it. He's already past this, he doesn't_ care _anymore, and yet his throat tightens for some reason as he speaks, "it got worse when in the middle school, a kid that I used to call my friend spread a rumour that I was gay. Which is actually true, but then my father heard about it, and he's just... that kind of religious person, you know?"_

_It's a rethoric question, really. Jisung doesn't need to answer him; they both know it too well._

_"Whenever I'm lucky, and he's too drunk to really do anything, he doesn't beat me after coming back. But you never know, when the night is lucky and when it would be best to hide," it's a dangerous game, which left him with too many scars, "and my mom... she's not a bad person, really. She has a nice personality, but it's just that... she's not a good parent. She's kind, always been kind to me, but she disappears for weeks, just to come back smelling of another men's cologne."_

_It's hard to talk about, but Jisung's presence makes it a little bit easier; because he knows, that after all, Jisung understands._

_"It makes me sick."_

_The older just replies by snuggling closer, and he's so glad that he's found such an amazing friend like Jisung._

_At times like that, it's easy to find comfort in each other.)_

It's all just a little bit sad, and he just hopes that with time, it became easier. For the sake of Jisung and his family, for the sake of the boy in front of him that seemed so energetic at the moment, so full of life - he just hopes, and hopes, and shoots Jisung a gentle smile when he turns to him, a wide grin on his lips.

For the sake of Minho and his empty dreams, he lets the two have their little bonding moments in peace.

And for the sake of his soulmate... he can only smile and hope that the other finds some happiness in watching the snippets of his own days.

Because who knows, maybe this is the exact moment that his soulmate is going to see that night.

×

"Hyunjin, I'm stealing your concealer because my eye bags are getting out of control!" he shouted from where he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, only to receive no response.

Which, okay. Honestly, it was pretty suspicious, as he knew that the younger was inside, and it's unusual for him not to answer - unless he was too busy painting to notice. But Changbin knew Hyunjin wasn't doing it now, the boy would tell him beforehand, and he hasn't had done so this time.

So Changbin had every right to feel confused.

"Are you mad?" he called out again, just to once again be met with silence. 

He glances at the mirror in front of him, the reflection of his own gaze empty of an answer, and he puts down the concealer before slowly shuffling out of the bathroom.

Hyunjin's nowhere to be seen; which honestly, doesn't surprise him much, as he didn't really expect the younger to be out in the hallway.

It's not like there's even anything to do there - beside passing it on the way to some other room.

He's sure the boy isn't in his own room, the door wide open and leaving no signs of Hyunjin inside - he doesn't hear anything from his own room, either.

That only leaves the living room, as the other half jokingly doesn't have the permission to be inside the kitchen. Really, neither of them are too good at cooking, but Changbin always uses the card of being the older one - so it's usually him that makes them anything to eat, when they don't feel like buying take out.

And he was right, because as he comes in to the said room, the boy is sitting on the couch, his phone in his hand and Changbin's not sure but he thinks he might be hearing faint news coming from the earphones Hyunjin's wearing.

Hyunjin loves animals - it's a fact that Changbin knew from the begging, really. He still remembers how desperate the younger can get when he wants to show this love to any stray cat or a fluffy dog he's saw on his way back from work.

("Binnie! There's a cute dog outside, can I steal it?" the boy would whine, his eyes wide and pleading, and Changbin briefly wondered how did an entire galaxy fit in his gaze, before he remembered what Hyunjin just said.

"You know that's a crime, Hyunjin. You can't do that. And I'm not gonna help you."

Hyunjin just sneezed in his face.

Needless to say, Changbin kicked him out of the bed that night.)

It's just that Hyunjin only ever watched cute animal videos as a way of cheering himself up on a bad day.

Hyunjin might not even be aware of it, but Changbin's noticed it after a few times he saw the younger doing it.

His gaze would always slowly get back its shine after a half an hour spent like that, his smile not straining against his face anymore, and his voice would loose the black covering his usually light purple tone.

And this time, Changbin can tell he hasn't spent much time on the videos yet, because of the way he held his shoulders so stiffly, his eyebrows drawn together the slightest bit, and Changbin realizes he can't just stand by, wondering what's wrong.

So he hesitantly takes a seat next to Hyunjin, who only now notices his presence, pulling out the earphones and letting them hang around his neck loosely.

"Are you... okay?" mumbles Changbin after a few seconds of silence, and there's a glint in Hyunjin's eyes that he can't quite read as the younger replies with a weak _yeah_.

"Nope, you're not pulling this on me. Your smile is right now as fake as a Barbie doll."

It seems like the right thing to say, because Hyunjin's strained grin falters a little, before appearing again, this time slightly smaller but clearly a genuine one.

Changbin would take it over the big, wide smile that wouldn't even reach his eyes, any day.

"It's just... I don't know," he interrupts himself with a shrug, not meeting Changbin's gaze, as he spoke, "I feel kinda off today."

His eyes drop to his wrist, the little cross visible as he hasn't put any make up on it yet and Changbin can't help but glance at it too.

The black cross contrasts against Hyunjin's tanned skin, a constant reminder of something that the boy never had and will never get; a thing that gets you concerned stares on the streets and hushed whispers of your classmates in highscool.

Sometimes it even seems as if strangers were more ashamed of someone without a soulmate than the actual person is - the pitying stares, the creased eyebrows, always making it look like the worst thing that could've happened - a soulmateless person.

It's stupid, and Changbin kind of hates how everyone seems to assume so - but he can't really do anything about it, besides glaring back at anyone sending Hyunjin funny looks.

It's tiring.

"I know that, despite the whole system, I'm still as important as anyone else, but..." a sigh left his lips, his hand tapping against tigh a few times as if prolonging saying the rest of the sentence, "I just can't prove it. Not yet."

Changbin just rests his palm on Hyunjin's back reassuringly - because the only thing he can do for Hyunjin now, is to just sit next to him, quietly supporting the younger by listening to what he has to say.

It's a little frustrating, how he can't really do anything else.

×

_(He's sitting at the back of a mostly empty bus, his shoulders hunched from the pure exhaustion that washes over him as he looks out the smudged window._

_His thoughts are running wild, the weather ironically sunny, contrasting with the dull feeling in his chest._

_He doesn't know why he's feeling this way._

_But even that doesn't stop him from over thinking._

_The bus passes by paths and homes he doesn't know, sidewalks he doesn't recognize, but he can't bring himself to care as his gaze drops to his arms._

_Empty of any make up, not hidden behind any sort of material; it's not a pretty sight. He hates the new, angry marks cut into the skin, hates the way they still sting faintly, not enough for him to really consider it a pain but enough to annoy him, reminding him of what he did last night - what he'd rather forget._

_It's kind of funny, how his heart was both overfilled with sadness and still managed to feel empty at the same time._

_He knows the difference between the words_ alone _and_ lonely _. He's never really thought he'd get to experience both, though._

_He's been alone most of his childhood. That kind of alone when your parents don't really care enough to check up on you, that kind of alone when your father leaves for work early in the morning and only comes back late at night, that kind of alone when you don't even get to see your mother in weeks, months even._

But somewhere in between, it changed to the kind of lonely _when you realize that after all, you don't even have a person you could consider your_ mom _or_ dad _._

_Because the people that share his last name, share his blood and home - are more of a shadow of who they're supposed to be than anything else._

_He doesn't even notice the moment he starts biting his lip, too deep in thoughts, too focused on the dull feeling in his chest; he does notice, though, when at one point, it starts drawing blood._

_He leaves the bus on the next stop._

_It takes him two hours to find out where he is and to get back to his house - but he's fine with it, as long as it gives him an excuse to stay away for some time._

_As long as he doesn't have to face his father that evening; he's fine.)_

×

It takes some time for him to remember the existence of the one, yet to be used string of numbers in his contact list, signed off very originally with Felix's name.

(There's also a little heart added towards the end, but it was the blonde that wrote it in, so Changbin ignored all the amused side eyes Hyunjin sent his way and let it be.)

It wasn't intentional, really - it's just that, he's kind of forgotten about the whole thing because of everything that recently happened.

It's kind of weird, how his life always seemed to be the same, never-ending circle of repetitive nightmares, sleepless nights and most importantly, Hyunjin.

And don't get him wrong, because he didn't mean it as a bad thing - Hyunjin was actually the one person that could bring him back into reality, the one _constant_ that Changbin could never be tired of. He was what kept him grounded, the deep, soothing violet of his voice enough to calm down his racing heart.

Hyunjin was the one person he's knew all his life, and despite Changbin's need to look for the new aspects in life, his love for all the _new_ things he could discover outside the town they lived in - Hyunjin was so breathtakingly _familiar_ , and Changbin could never get enough of the younger.

Because after knowing him for so long, there was nothing that felt more like home than Hyunjin.

Because Hyunjin was the shared giggles under the blankets at two in the morning, he was the smell of coffee on Changbin's shirt after spending his entire shift in the shop despite the fact that Changbin didn't even _have_ to do it - it was just that, if he ever had the chance to spend more time with the younger, Changbin would always choose it above anything else.

Hyunjin was also the middle in between panic and confusion whenever he stepped into the kitchen, which was kind of ironic when you thought about it - the barista was, after all, only good at making coffee. But Changbin loved him nevertheless - even when the boy tried to make him his favorite breakfast on his birthday and almost set their entire house on fire.

But Hyunjin was also full smiles and soft gazes, he was the lazy kisses after a whispered _welcome back_ , he was the definition of looking effortlessly good and it never failed at leaving Changbin taken aback.

Changbin saw Hyunjin in the boy's ripped jeans and bruised knees, he saw him in the way a stranger would roll up the sleeves of their jacket as he passed them by on the street, he saw him whenever anyone mentioned starry eyes and full lips, and suddenly all those sappy love songs felt just a little bit personal, a little bit less _cheesy_ and more _real_.

And then, there was Felix.

Felix was both familiar and new - he still wasn't sure exactly why, or even how, but it just felt right.

Felix was the passing touches, the casual eye contact that would keep on for too long to call it completely platonic, he was the type of person that would laugh so genuinely at even the worst jokes you made, and the type of person that would jokingly scold you for dressing too lightly for the weather before lending you his own hoodie anyway.

It was what Changbin couldn't really believe about him, simply how _nice_ he was - no matter if you knew him for ages or for literal seconds.

And Changbin couldn't help but fall for him a little bit more with every smile the blonde shoot him or every lame pun that left the boy's lips.

What fascinated him even more was just how bright he seemed.

Because Felix was just that - he was the entire pallete of pastel, light yellows, sometimes falling into gentle orange hues and it was all so much, Changbin couldn't get enough of it.

What was just a little funny, though, was the way his voice didn't even match his face - and neither did it match his yellow personality.

Because his voice was deep red, sometimes even so much it almost seemed black - it only ever felt like yellow to Changbin whenever the boy would giggle or laugh freely. Then, only then was it such a bright color that Changbin knew him for.

It's to the point that he felt kind of sad that the text messages he received on his phone never passed the colors of people's voices with them.

But honestly, he thinks as he looks at both of the boys bickering softly whether the pillow fort they were making should be stuffed with one big blanket or a few smaller ones, it was just a matter of time until Felix came to hang out with them at their house.

It's the first time the blonde stepped inside his room, and yet Changbin can't help but feel as if he perfectly belongs here.

(It's a little bit concerning how quick Felix was to decline anyone visiting him at his own house; but Changbin decided not to push.

The boy would tell him if he was comfortable enough for it, after all.)

It's Hyunjin's excited _I'm gonna make some pancakes!_ that pulls him out of his thoughts, and he doesn't even think before jumping on top of Hyunjin, pinning the taller boy down in the middle of the blanket fort with choked out whine.

"You're not burning down the kitchen today," he mumbles into Hyunjin's shirt despite the younger's various attempts of wiggling away, and he's pretty sure he can hear Felix chuckling from where he's standing next to their fort.

"You know, I can just make them for you, if both of you can't cook."

It takes him a few seconds, and a kick from Hyunjin to realize that Felix is waiting for some kind of answer while he's just staring at the boy, full on starry eyed awe, as if Felix was an angel sent from above - but when he does, he shakes his head quickly before shooting the blonde a small, thankful smile.

"If it wouldn't be too much of a bother, yeah," he says, suddenly feeling a little bit shy. It's kind of ridiculous, and he can feel Hyunjin's judging stare on the back of his head, but the way Felix's face immediately brights up is worth it.

The next hour and a half passes by so quickly, Changbin doesn't even notice the pancakes are ready until Felix taps him on the shoulder as a way to stop him and Hyunjin from their constant bickering - but really, is it his fault that the time seems to run so fast when he's having fun?

He can't help but notice how the kitchen is now way less clean than it was before - the entire floor and dishwasher covered in flour, as a result of Hyunjin and his friendly fight that got a little bit out of control; one of the chairs lying flat after Hyunjin accidentally tipped it over with a clumsy kick, which was originally aimed at Changbin but ended with the older leaving a bunch of kisses to the boy's cheeks as a way to distract him from the pain; and their two empty cups of coffee, followed by another three that Felix jokingly insisted on drinking, teasingingly remarking it as the only thing that would keep him sane near the overly sappy duo.

(Sure, while it was considered a _joke_ at first, he did end up drinking all of them.

Changbin was mildly concerned.)

And it's kind of nice, kind of comfortable as they lie in the blanket fort, a random, romantic movie playing from the laptop in front of them. It was Hyunjin who chose it, both of the boys' full attention on it - Changbin's can't help but feel glad they fit so well. The two even have the same taste in movies, it borders on ridiculous.

To be honest, Changbin can't really focus on the movie at all. It's too warm, to comfortable, and the pillows he's laying on top of are just a tad too soft for him to keep his eyes opened - and so he ignores Hyunjin's muffled, amused giggle at his own content expression and let's himself melt in between the two.

He's not sure when exactly he drifts off, but his sleep is empty of any dreams, and for once he feels peaceful.

(There's also another thing he noticed about Felix that day, that he kept silent about.

It's the few little cuts scattered around his arm that peeked out from under the boy's hoodie. They're new there, that Changbin's sure of, and for some reason it leaves him feeling... weird.

Like he should have something figured out at this point, like he has all the hints in front of him, yet he still struggles to see the answer.)

×

Changbin doesn't spend much time with Seungmin. He never did - but not because he necessarily doesn't want to.

It's just that, while they go to the same place to practice, Changbin's more interested in dancing, while Seungmin leans more towards singing.

They pass each other in the halls, sometimes meet on their way to or back from the toilet and there are even times when they come for practice at the same time - then, they chat a little, share a few smiles and walk together to their desperate rooms, after getting the keys from Woojin.

(He's never noticed, at the time, the way Seungmin and Woojin's fingers would brush, lingering, nor the passing glances they would shoot at each other, sneaking in a little grin when no one paid attention)

So it's a little surprising when he finds himself next to the younger in the recording studio; Seungmin's already done, has been for the last ten minutes or so, which they spent by silently sitting in the studio.

Changbin's heard Seungmin singing before, but he still can't get over the clear, pastel blue of his voice, falling into gentle teal hues as he hits high notes - it's a part of him that Changbin just honestly admires.

"Remember what I told you about my soulmates that one time?"

Seungmin's voice comes back again, the same light blue splattered with almost green tones and Changbin nods for him to go on.

"I visited Woojin at his house, a week ago. You know, to help him get better and all. Did you notice that he had a cold at the same time my soulmate did?" the boy turns to him, his lips pulling into a small smile, "and his house was exactly as I remembered it to be from my dreams."

Changbin can feel his eyebrows rising in surprise, and he's not exactly sure how to react.

He reaches out his hand to pat Seungmin's shoulder, falters for a second, then wills himself to do it - checking for any signs that Seungmin's uncomfortable with skinship, in which case he would pull back instantly, but the younger only smiles a little wider.

Woojin and Seungmin aren't a your usual couple you'd expect to be soulmates, but when Changbin actually thinks about it more, he can't help but realize just how much the two seem to fit - they even share the same, baby blue hues of their personalities.

It's actually kind of obvious, to the point that Changbin can't believe how he hasn't noticed it sooner.

"That's... great," he murmurs, not quite sure what to say. He blinks, his gaze falling to the floor before sticking back to Seungmin, "I'm happy for you."

The boy nods lightly, a chuckle leaving his lips, and he looks up, but he's not really looking at the ceiling; it's as if he's looking past it, somewhere deep in his thoughts, and then he opens his mouth to speak again.

"It's kind of weird, honestly. It's like... I've already, kinda, expected it. Like I didn't really know from the beginning, but also kinda did? I don't know, I can't put this into words," he waves his hand vaguely, "but you know, it's... easy. We knew each other for so long, it's easy falling into a relationship after that."

Changbin hums; he wonders about Seungmin's second soulmate.

Maybe someday, he'll get to meet them as well.

(They don't spend much more time in the practice room; after saying their goodbyes, Changbin stumbles into Felix and Jisung on his way back.

They exchange a smile.

Felix's smile still lights up his face as much as it did before. And Changbin?

Changbin finds himself struggling to breathe.)

×

His eyes slowly blinked open to the sound of his phone pinging aggressively with every new message he got. It's not unusual - really, He's already used to it. He's just pissed at himself that he never learns from his mistakes and no matter how many times he's told himself in passing to just turn the damn volume down, he's never actually done it.

Honestly, it's a blessing that Hyunjin is the literal opposite of a light sleeper.

Changbin's pretty sure that if a murderer ever broke into their house, the boy would still be sleeping like a rock in his bed, unbothered. And if a robber ever came up to him, he'd probably just cuddle them or something. He'd just that kind of sleeper.

(Unless it comes to his favorite cereal. Then, nobody is safe.)

And as Hyunjin has his own, _special_ alarm clock that still has never failed to startle Changbin every time, he didn't even seem to notice the blaring notifications from Changbin's phone.

(Changbin still shudders even at the thought of the alarm clock shouting Hyunjin's name at six in the morning. Things like that just aren't easy to forget.)

Instead, Hyunjin only mumbled some gibberish under this breath before pulling the other closer, their legs tangling together even more than they were before, if it was possible at this point.

It warms up Changbin's heart, but he has messages to read, so, careful not to wake up the younger, he wiggled out of his hold and teacher sour for his phone.

He doesn't have to check who the texts were from - Chan was pretty much the only person he kept on messaging for whole days. He wasn't good at texting, especially at texting people _back_ , but their friendship was actually based on texts and sometimes even calls, so he didn't even think twice before answering.

_what do you want, it's not even 10pm_

The continuous messages faltered for a second, before a new notification appeared.

_you were in my dream a g a i n_  
_who were you with in a studio please this is important_  
_also who is woojin_

Saying that Changbin was stunned was an understatement; but after a second, it all clicked, and he sighed, not quite believing it yet.

Because _if course_ , this all made perfect sense, Changbin just didn't realize it before.

But now, when he thought about it more - it was pretty obvious.

Because every time Chan has seen him in his own dreams, it was always on the days when he went to practice, always either _in_ , or somewhere _around_ the building, and _always_ when he met with either Seungmin or Woojin.

And Seungmin is soulmates with Woojin, even though he has two soulmates.

And Chan, too, has two soulmates.

Woojin, probably as well.

And Changbin was pretty close to slapping his own face at this point, because just how oblivious could he be?

_that's seungmin_  
_woojin is his soulmate_  
_and i'm pretty sure they're both your soulmates_

The next few seconds he spent waiting patiently for the reply. It took a little while, but Changbin understood - it wasn't an every day thing, realizing who your soulmate is, realizing that you actually could meet them in person, that they're not just your made up dreams - and Changbin's just a little bit happy that he could help Chan find his own, since the older has been looking for them for a long time now.

_could you..._  
_could you tell me about them some more?_

In that moment, it seemed so vulnerable, so shy yet curious, and Changbin could only smile fondly, before typing in a reply.

_honestly, woojin's pretty much an angel_  
_seungmin too, even though i'm pretty sure he would sell us all to satan for one cornchip_  
_but we all love him anyway_

Later, when Hyunjin's eyes finally fluttered open, the younger boy would ask Changbin why he was grinning so wildly at hid phone; Changbin just showed him their almost hour long conversation, and just how whipped Chan already seemed to be.

Hyunjin just smiled; for the rest of the day, the happy glint in his eyes didn't leave once.

×

"Hey..."

Felix's voice drips with dark, deep red as he speaks, his head hung low and his eyes shying away, avoiding Changbin's gaze.

It's almost midnight, maybe like two minutes off, and Changbin's already in his pyjamas; he wasn't planning on going to sleep, not really, but they're more comfortable to wear than his usual clothes so he put them on anyway.

And really, he's not surprised to see Felix in front of his house, at this point the younger visiting them is almost like his habit - he'd just surprised to see him at this hour.

"Could I... sleep over?" mumbles the blonde, still unable to hold Changbin's gaze, and while sure, he's still confused, he just can't say no.

It's just the way the boy nibbles at his lip nervously, a crease creating in between his brows as he looks down at his own feet, the corner of his lips downturned, one of his fingers tapping nervously against his own thigh.

It makes Changbin's heart ache, twist in an emotion he can't really recognize, and he doesn't think twice before grasping Felix's wrist gently and pulling him in; his leg kicking the door closed after them, not bothering to pay it any more attention.

It's midnight by now, Changbin's pretty sure of that, and he doesn't have to check to know that Hyunjin's already asleep in his room.

Felix's unusually quiet, but Changbin chooses not to push him into an explanation.

Instead, he asks, "do you want to sleep on my bed? I can just go to Hyunjin, so it's not a problem."

But the boy's eyes widen slightly, something akin to fear showing in his expression, even though it disappears as fast as it appeared - it's almost as if it didn't even have a place, if not for the way Felix's hands still shake a little, a shiver finding its way along his spine.

After his rushed whispers of _I don't wanna be alone, please_ , the sentence repeated over and over nervously, his voice pitched higher than Changbin's used to - a few black smudges staining it, and Changbin can't stand to hear it like that.

So he doesn't question further.

And before he knows it, he's lying in Hyunjin's bed, the boy blinking at them sleepily after their stumbling woke him up; Felix cuddled in between them, curled in on himself, suddenly looking a lot smaller than he actually is.

It's just, a little bit sad to look at.

So he wraps his arms around the blonde, rubbing his shoulder reassuringly, and Hyunjin, even though still slightly dazed from sleep, doesn't hesitate to follow what he's doing.

It's quiet, the only sound filling the room their deep, calm breathing.

Changbin's not quite sure when it lulls him to sleep, but he knows that once again, he sleeps by Felix's side - and not a single dream's here to haunt him.

He's too tired to really think about it, though.

×

It's kind of funny, how the one coffee shop Hyunjin works at feels like a second home, at this point.

Even when the boy isn't around, when there are other people working on a morning shift, the place still never fails to make Changbin at least a little bit comfortable.

He's spent so much time there, he's already considered a usual, and Hyunjin's co-workers always shoot him a smile, sometimes even initiating some small talk as they make him a coffee, his order already memorized; he doesn't even have to open his mouth, because when it's not too crowded, the baristas usually already start making it when they see him come in.

It's nice.

He smiles at the cheery barista as she hands him the sweet, sweet coffe she knows he likes.

"How's Hyunjin doing? I haven't seen him since the evening shift like, two days ago," she says, her head tilting to the side curiously.

"He's good, even though he's been a little cranky today because he couldn't find his favorite brush."

The barista giggles, shaking her head lightly; it doesn't take him long to join in.

"This boy. Seriously, I feel like even when he's next to me his mind is somewhere else, already wondering about his next painting."

"But can you really blame him? I'd do the same if I had any asshole customers blabbering in front of me," he replies jokingly, the barista swatting at his hand, even though her lips were still pulled into a smile.

"Please, I don't want my boss hearing this, I'd rather keep my job," she whispers, earning herself an amused huff from Changbin, "besides, I think someone here wants to talk with you. A friend?"

He turns around quickly, scanning the room before his gaze falls on Minho, the older wiggling his eyebrows at him in greeting.

He just sticks out his tongue in reply.

"Thanks, Lisa," he murmurs, the girl waving her hand side to side as a goodbye, and he grabs his barely touched coffee before walking up to the newcomer.

There's something different about Minho today; he's not exactly sure what, though.

Maybe it's the way that his greeting smile seemed a little bit wider, a little bit more cheerful than usual; or maybe it's the way his eyes glinted with unspoken happiness.

Changbin definitely liked this change.

"What's up?" he asks, tipping his coffee in Minho's direction, in a silent question. The older only shake his head lightly, his smile not faltering, and it's all it takes for Changbin to shrug and take a sip of the drink.

"What, can't I just come and say hello to my fellow summer hater without a reason?"

Changbin squints at his questionably innocent tone, Minho only blinking at him owlishly in reply.

It all screams _suspicious_ to him, a little alarm bell going off in his mind; but this time, he lets it slide.

"You seem really upbeat today," he comments instead, tilting his head to the side curiously.

"Yeah, I'm going to the cinema with Jisung in like," Minho glances at the clock hanging above the counter, "two hours? I'm not sure what the movie's about, but Jisung's really excited about it, so. I'm just happy to see him like this, honestly."

Minho's eyes soften as he speaks, and the look on his face is not something Changbin's used to - it's nice, though.

"A date?" he asks, remembering how smitten the two appeared around each other, and the older's cheeks gain a rosy tint about them.

"I... I hope so," murmurs the boy, before clearing his throat and quickly changing the subject, "enough about me, though. Have you been sleeping better lately?"

Changbin startles at the words, his head snapping up from where he was looking at his coffee - and Minho just chuckles at his reaction, patting Changbin's shoulder lightly and letting his hand rest there.

At Changbin's stuttered _how?_ he only replies with a shrug, "I don't know, you just seem less tired than a few weeks ago. And your eyebags aren't as visible as they were back then."

Changbin's hand travels up to his cheek without his knowledge, the tips of his fingers barely pawing at the skin under his eyes in surprise. He didn't even notice it before, but when he thought about it now, he didn't even have to use Hyunjin's concealer the last few days - it was a change so small, neither of them really felt as if something was different, but a person who doesn't live at the same place as you and sees you once every two or three days will notice.

It's like a punch to the chest, stealing his breath away and he realizes that it's actually _true_ \- he has been having less nightmares lately.

"Yeah... it's like, as if I didn't even have _any_ dreams, let alone nightmares."

It's strange to say, the words feeling almost unfamiliar as they leave his lips. He's not quite sure why, but there's a slip of anxiety tickling at his heart, and he shakes his head to distract himself from it.

Minho falls silent for a few seconds, his gaze suddenly intense, piercing through his soul as the older tilts his head to the side.

Changbin can only wonder what's going on inside his mind.

"Has it been sudden, the lack of dreams?" whispers the other, and oh.

Now Changbin understands exactly why Minho seems so tense.

He reaches up, resting his hand on top of Minho's in comfort, before speaking up again, "no, don't worry. It's more, ah, irregular, I guess," he glances down, trying to come up with a way to explain it, "it's not that they disappeared completely. I still have them, every now and then, just that they're not as long, ever since Fe-"

_Ever since Felix started sleeping over at their house._

Changbin's eyebrows furrow at the thought, and no, that just can't be right. It must be something else that caused it.

Hyunjin would probably say he's in denial, if he were ever to hear his frantic thoughts - but Hyunjin isn't here, so Changbin lets himself ignore it.

And Minho? Minho just sighs in relief, his shoulders relaxing as his eyes flutter closed for a second, before opening again and glancing curiously at Changbin again.

"Isn't that what happens when people spend time with their soulmates? You know, when you're a big part of their day, there's nothing left for you to see," he murmurs, and it sounds so right, but Changbin only purses his lips.

He quickly changes the subject after that.

(That night, he doesn't let himself fall asleep, in case the dreams would be empty again.

It's weird, how he's always wanted the nightmares to end, but when it does actually seem like it, he tries to deny it, hoping for the system to just be wrong this time.)

×

He's not exactly sure how it happened.

Maybe it was because he urged Hyunjin on to come with him to his dance practice.

(It wasn't really that hard to do, to persuade the younger to go - after all, apart from painting, dance was his thing, his way to express himself when his hands just wouldn't listen to him and draw what he pictured in his mind; after just a few cutesy, high pitched _please_ that Changbin threw while batting his eyelashes and twirling the, way too short for that, locks of hair, the boy finally gave in.)

Maybe it was because of Felix and Woojin, as they met the two at the older's counter where he kept all the keys for every room.

(The duo was chatting away, smiling wildly as one of them would go on excitedly about something Changbin couldn't make out.

It's a little disorienting, since Changbin didn't even know they knew each other before; but they spoke so freely, it's as if they've known each other for years by now - and maybe they even did, for all that Changbin knows.

It took them a few seconds to notice Changbin and Hyunjin's presence, but when they did, Woojin greeted them with a friendly grin, while Felix blushed at the sight of Hyunjin.

It was a little bit cute, Changbin had to admit.

But then Felix turned to him and send him such a sweet smile, Changbin wondered whether or not He's actually met an angel in person.)

Or maybe, just maybe, it was because of Minho and Jisung, who currently occupied their usual practice room.

(Changbin could hear the barely audible, muffled through the walls laughter, followed by cheerful giggles and a few, jokingly offended shouts.

_Seems like they're having fun_ , commented Woojin, a soft glint in his gaze, and Changbin could only glance at Hyunjin, agreeing without any spoken words to not bother them right now.)

All he knew for certain was that now, the four of them went for a walk - without any actual destination, just to spend some time with each other, the time filled with comfortable bickering and a few lame jokes Felix would come up with every now and then.

It doesn't really occur to him that they've passed by a grocery store until Woojin bats in, suggesting they go in and search for a snack or something.

Changbin's eyebrows shot up in a silent question, but he's quick to agree after Woojin's _I don't know, I just feel like we should go there_.

And now, as they're about to go in, two people suddenly appear from inside, and one of them collides straight into Woojin, the two falling to the ground, the others only gasping as they helplessly watch it happen.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry-" mumbles the person, their words rushed, and the voice is a familiar light peach, an embarrassed burgundy tint about it and Changbin-

Changbin should've known.

"Chan?" he chokes out, immediately catching everyone's attention, and the said boy glances up at him from the ground, his eyes wide in shock, just to soften with a smile a few seconds later.

"Changbin! What are you doing here?"

"I'm going shopping. And you... you just pushed down a friend of mine."

That's when panic rushes over Chan's face again, and his head whips back to look down at Woojin, who he was currently lying on top of.

It's as if Chan completely forgot about what has happened in the last few seconds because of the excitement at finally meeting his friend in person - but now, as he glanced at Woojin, his expression almost starry eyed, he didn't waste any time in apologizing again, before shooting up and helping the other stand up as well.

(While the little scene happened, Hyunjin wasn't paying any attention to it - instead, he stared at the other boy Chan came with.

Or rather, he was staring at the little cross on the boy's wrist - the exact same as his.)

Changbin doesn't really know what to think about what happens next - it feels like he had any time to barely even blink, and then the two are already blending in perfectly with the rest of his friends.

Felix gets to ask Chan about his Australian accent, Chan managed to introduce the other boy to the rest - Jeongin, he said - the youngest quickly opening up to Hyunjin when he also realizes they both have matching crosses.

But after a few seconds of watching them all interact, Changbin decides He's content with it.

Especially when after a few shy glances Chan shoot Woojin, the older told him his name - and the way Chan stopped in his tracks, his ears immediately gaining a pink hue at the familiar name.

_Yeah_ , he thinks as he wraps his arms around Hyunjin and Felix, _it is pretty nice._

×

_(The practice room is bigger than he expected it to be, and he blinks slowly as he gapes around the room._

_Sure, he's walked Jisung to the building a lot of times by now, but he's never actually went any further than Woojin's desk._

_All of this... is new to him._

_"Close your mouth, you don't want any fly bugging you," Jisung comments offhandedly, earning himself an annoyed huff, but otherwise he keeps silent, watching the older do whatever he had in mind in peace._

_Or, as much as he can without getting a little impatient._

_"What did you want to show me?" he asks after a few seconds, Jisung turning back to glance at him passingly._

_"You'll see."_

_He doesn't push more, tapping his foot while waiting for Jisung. It doesn't take long until the boy walks back to him, a laptop held carefully in his hands, and he wonders briefly where did Jisung even get that from - he was pretty sure he didn't see it when they came in - but he ignores the thought as the older sits next to him on the floor, quickly opening the laptop on his lap as his fingers rushed all over the keyboard._

_"It's... something that I've been working on lately. But I'm not sure whether it's good or not, so could you just..." Jisung pauses for a second, licking his lips anxiously as he avoided the other's gaze, "listen to it and tell me watch you think?"_

_He just waits until Jisung gets the courage to actually look at him, then he nods, a gentle smile pulling at his lips._

_A sigh leaves Jisung's mouth, his hand shaking the slightest bit before he presses play and music softly fills the room._

_And it's good._

_Really good._

_It's less hyper than he's used to, more gentle and emotional, so much feelings poured into it it should probably feel suffocating - instead, though, it fills his heart with something he can't quite put his finger on. He's sure of one thing though._

_It's really personal. And that's why it feels so real._

_At the beginning, Jisung keeps on fidgeting nervously, glancing at him every few seconds for a reaction; but with time, his shoulders relax and he even starts singing along, hushed but genuine, and it all even adds in to the pure admiration he has for Jisung's music.)_

At the time, through the eyes of his soulmate, Changbin doesn't hear any colors.

It's strange, and it kind of feels like he's missing something; even though later, when he wakes up, thinking about the dream, all of the sounds bring in colors with them again.

_I see_ , sings Jisung, and his usually blue tone of voice drips with light violet, its bright hues creating paintings behind Changbin's eyes - it's almost surreal, just how rich is Jisung's color pallete.

But then the dream fades, and he faintly thinks it's over now, but another scene appears.

_(It was only a matter of time before Minho joins them in the practice room, and he excuses himself quickly while shooting Jisung a sneaky wink._

_Of course, it's not that he doesn't like Minho or anything - sure, they don't know each other that well, but the older seems pretty nice, if not a little bit scary at times. But he's heard Jisung gushing about Minho way too many times to be a third wheel, so he only smiles at Minho as he leaves, and hopes the other understood how much trust he's got in the older about Jisung._

_And if Minho dares to break that trust, he's not going to hold back - even though, as he glances at the two right before closing the door, he's pretty sure that isn't gonna happen._

_He meets Woojin on his way back - the older waving at him with his iconic cat like smile._

_And it's not like he has anything else to do, so he comes up to the other and asks him how his day is going - besides that, he likes Woojin._

_Every time he walks Jisung to the building, he also greets Woojin, sometimes even initiating some small talk. And it's kind of nice, how he's not even a usual at the place, well, he barely even steps into the building every time - but somehow, with Woojin, it feels like he is._

_Maybe it's because Woojin is just that kind of genuinely nice person - or maybe it's because they just, clicked._

_But sometimes, just sometimes, when the night is unlucky and his father acts more aggressive than usual, he lets himself run to the, surprisingly, still open building - and stay the night, tucked into a blanket Woojin gave him, a cup of hot chocolate in his hands that the older made specifically for him._

_Woojin never asked - instead, he played a quiet tune, humming along to it, sometimes telling him about a cute cat he saw that day or his favorite cake recipe that he managed to bake successfully - and he was thankful for it._

_He's halfway through rambling about a new song he absolutely fell in love with - Shoot Me, it's called - when he hears a pair of footsteps, and they both turn around to glance at the newcomers._

_His heart jumps at the sight of Hyunjin, and he feels shy for a second before his gaze falls to Changbin._

_And he can't hold back the smile that pulls at his lips, just because it's Changbin._

_His heart warms up when the two come up to them, and he can't help but feel so, so happy - he's not even sure why, he just does._

_It's like Hyunjin and Changbin are his own, little stars that look out for him - and it's just that, he's thankful. So incredibly thankful, that he's got to meet them._

_He just wishes he had enough courage to tell them.)_

When Changbin wakes up, he doesn't leave his bed for the whole morning; he's too busy thinking to do that.

×

Changbin doesn't quite understand how it is, that whenever he needs to meet someone the most, it's like the person suddenly disappears.

And not in a way that they supposedly ignore you; they're just not there.

So it's not really surprising when he finds himself sitting in Hyunjin's coffee shop at two in the morning, hoping for Felix to come, just like he did on the first night they met.

Maybe he's being a little irrational, but he hasn't seen the other since the dream, and concern paired with a slip of anxiety are slowly gnawing at his heart.

He taps his coffee cup twice, glancing at the clock before his gaze falls back to his phone lying on the table in perfect reach; for what, though? For him to be able to reply to a text as fast as it appears? To call Felix's number when he decides he can't stand the silence anymore?

It's a shame, that the phone doesn't light up with any new notification, no matter how much he wants it to.

His leg jerks nervously and he takes a sip of the drink, looking at the counter briefly.

Hyunjin's there, face bare of any make up, making it easy to spot the bags under his eyes as he struggles with - whatever he's doing, really, Changbin can't see it from the distance.

But there's a crease in between Hyunjin's brows, and he keeps shooting Changbin looks, before avoiding eye contact when he notices that Changbin's staring right back at him.

Hyunjin's worried about him, Changbin can tell it from his behaviour and the way he can't fully focus - but Changbin's too busy battling his thoughts to say anything, and Hyunjin's too shy to ask.

Changbin does feel a little bit bad about it, though.

As minutes pass, the clock's even ticking the only sound filling the room, his phone remains unmoving, the shop empty of any new customers, and he can feel his motivation seeping from him, second by second, hour by hour, until he brings the cup up to his mouth but there's no coffee left; and hasn't been for a long time now.

"Are you okay?"

Hyunjin's voice is unsteady and a little quiet, shaking slightly as he speaks. There's no confidence, only concern mixed with confusion, and his murmur is barely even audible, and Changbin probably wouldn't even hear it if not for the silence of the rest of the shop.

He doesn't even have to look to know that Hyunjin's fingers are fiddling nervously with the sleeve of his button up shirt, wrinkling up the otherwise straightened material, his lip caught in between his teeth in worry.

And he can't bring himself to lie; he doesn't see any reason to do so, anyway, so he twirls the cup in his hand before admitting quietly, "no."

It's like getting rid of a burden, and he sits up straighter because as much as the truth hurts, it's good to get it out.

He hears a muffled shuffling, and in no time Hyunjin's sitting next to him, enough space between them to not make him uncomfortable, and Changbin's heart warms up at the obvious sign that Hyunjin cares.

There's a feather light touch on his shoulder, Hyunjin's hand coming to rest there, although a little unsurely, as if any negative reaction from Changbin would result in it backing up. But he's okay with it; he's okay.

Because it's Hyunjin.

"What's bothering you?" asks the boy after a few minutes of silence.

And Changbin can't bring himself to look at the younger as he murmurs back, "my soulmate."

Hyunjin blinks owlishly at him, obviously confused at the answer; but Changbin can't really blame him.

He can't quite believe it either.

"What about them?"

Changbin glances at the other boy, trying to find a best way to word it, to explain what he's feeling, but it's all to no use - he's never been good with words, anyway.

"My soulmate," he repeats, his gaze shying away again, "Felix is... my soulmate."

×

(He's not sure what he expected, how he's been expecting Hyunjin to react; but his face shutters for a second, a stab of an intense emotion flashing through his eyes before he blinks it away.

Changbin can't tell what it is, but as he still thinks about it the next day, even talking about it with Chan for a good few hours, he finally realizes what could it be.

And so, when Hyunjin comes back home that day, Changbin's quick to catch Hyunjin's hands in his own and reassures the younger, again and again, that he's not going to leave him.

He's not going to leave Hyunjin alone.

And maybe the boy cries a little, but Changbin pats the tears away and kisses both his cheeks before repeating it, he won't leave Hyunjin - Changbin loves him too much to do it.)

×

It's not until the next weekend that he gets to see Felix.

It's a cloudy evening, the sun already setting as Changbin glances out the window of the coffee shop, watching people rush to their homes in hopes of spotting the familiar blonde mop of hair, the one grey hoodie Felix always seems to wear, the vibrant yellow mixed with deep red of his voice; to no avail.

It's stupid, how he already misses the boy, even though he hadn't been gone for that long.

("What's up with you today?" asked Chan barely a few hours ago, as they sat by the same one table, the older's gaze sweeping from one of Changbin's eyes to another - the edges of his lips pulled into a frown, clearly concerned.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just-" he gestured at Changbin vaguely, his gaze calculating as he spoke, "you seem distracted. Is this about Felix?"

Changbin doesn't bother asking how Chan figured it out - he probably hasn't been holding back too much when he told the older about his Hyunjin, slash soulmate situation - and just nods quietly, leaning back into his seat.

"Do you think we could help him, with his home and all?" Chan wonders aloud, and that's when Changbin finally perks up.

"Do you have anything in mind?" he asks, cautiously, watching the other smile faintly as he ran his fingers through his curly hair.

"Not really," he murmurs in reply, but is quick to add, "but I'll come up with something soon! Just give me some time!"

And so Changbin does - agreeing with a tilt of his head before Chan leaves the café a few minutes later.)

Hyunjin's not here this time. He took a day off - or, more like, a night off - so the shop is run by some new barista that Changbin's barely seen once before.

And maybe Changbin was the one to tell him to stay home that night, scared of seeing the younger overwork himself with the fever and dry coughs shaking his body.

And he doesn't regret his decision, no. He's glad he persuaded Hyunjin to take care of himself - it's just that, the coffee shop feels a little bit strange, a little bit less familiar without the boy, or anyone Changbin knows for that matter - and it leaves a slightly lonely feeling in his chest.

He glances at the empty cup in front of himself, pushing it to the side of the round table and goes back to people watching.

There's a little girl curiously following a stray cat - the child barely twice the size of the animal, yet there's no fear in her eyes as she reaches out to pet it.

Changbin can't hold back a little smile at the sight of the cat butting her little hand with its head. He can't hear it purring from inside the café, but he's sure it does happen.

His eyes slide to a young man, probably around his own age, holding a bouquet of orange roses behind his back, his grip a little tight from nervousness.

Changbin's not sure who he's waiting for, but in the next few minutes a fairly tall person walks by, coming up to the boy and smiles wildly when the man hands them the flowers.

He can't tell whether their relationship is romanic or platonic - but it's clear that they share a deep bond, and the fact warms up his heart, even though in the next few seconds the loneliness comes back and he shuffles his legs to distract himself, his feet not even reaching the ground because of the tall seats that circle the tables.

And he's fine, kind of, until he notices a silhouette, not quite running, but quickly marching through the street.

The person has a hood pulled on their head, their hands buried deep inside the pockets of a leather jacket thrown on top of a familiar, way too familiar hoodie - and before he knows it, Changbin rushes out of the chair, stumbling out of the coffee shop and trailing after the boy.

He's not sure why, but with every breath he takes, his lungs fill with fear of losing the person, and when he looks back at it later, he's surprised at just how fast he ran.

His throat stings, but he chokes down the uncomfortable feeling before shouting Felix's name, once, twice, even three times, until the other finally notices.

The boy turns to look at him, his eyes widening and in the next second Changbin already has his arms wrapped around Felix, both of them stumbling before catching their footing; his head buried in the taller boy's chest as his fingers twist with the material of the jacket, and it's a little bit hard to breathe, but he doesn't pull away, he _can't_ pull away.

"Changbin?"

The way Felix murmurs his name, his voice dripping with tired dark shades, a hint of shock painting itself in light yellow tones - it's all so overwhelming, he doesn't even have the energy to respond.

His grip on the boy only tightens, and he's pretty sure he feels the top of his fringe getting wet, and it's exactly when he realizes that Felix is crying.

But really, Changbin can't actually blame him, as his own vision fills with unshed tears.

×

("Why did you disappear, so suddenly?"

Felix can't quite meet his gaze when the question leaves Changbin's lips, and there's still wet traces of tears on his cheeks, that Changbin reaches up to brush away without any hesitation.

A beat of silence, followed by Felix gulping nervously as the edge of the boy's mouth twitches with unspoken words, and Changbin waits patiently for an explanation.

"I was... I was scared," murmurs the blonde, still unable to meet Changbin's eyes and the fact makes his heart dip for some reason.

They're sitting in a nearby park, Felix's hair messed by a harsh gust of wind, his hood already taken off - and he shivers when the cold air hits his face, his breath leaving his lips in a white puff, and Changbin can't take his eyes off of him.

There's an ugly looking bruise right on Felix's left cheekbone that he's only noticed just now - it hurts to even look at it, so Changbin drops his gaze to his shoelaces that he's fiddling with, pulling at the strings to distract himself from the anxiety filling his chest.

"Scared of what?" he asks again after a few seconds, assuming it was all Felix was going to say; he glanced at the blonde again, but the boy's gaze was still shying away from him, and he just can't understand.

He wants Felix to be honest with him, he wants Felix to look him in the eye while explaining himself, and it's just frustrating, that's all.

"Felix," he tries again, his voice coming off weaker than he expected it to be, faltering when he receives no response, "please, just look at me."

But the blonde sits still, stubbornly, as if he didn't even hear Changbin.

And Changbin can't stand it.

So he reaches out, cupping Felix's face and gently pulling it up; he has to move closer to do it, his legs in an awkward angle and already shaking slightly as he wills himself to stay in the same position, but when Felix's eyes finally meet his, he forgets about the inconvenience.

There's a shade of fear clouding the boy's pupils, an uneasiness in the way his lip trembles so faintly, Changbin has to focus to actually notice it; but still, Felix doesn't say anything, only blinks up at him blankly, until Changbin moves back, balancing on his heels as his heart jumps up to his throat, threatening to spill out his thoughts as Felix once again avoids his gaze - but right as Changbin is about to give up, the blonde suddenly looks at him, his lips parting before closing again, thinking.

"I saw it, when you realized we're-" he skips the world, for some reason unable to say it out loud; as if ignoring it would make it less real, "I saw it in my dream and it scared me. I was scared that, after realizing this, you'd rather never see me again, or that you would cut me out of your life, or something like that."

"So you started avoiding me before I could do that myself," fills in Changbin, his eyebrows rising when Felix nods, an embarrassed blush tinting his cheeks and ears.

"But, you know, my father was... a little angry at me, more than usual I mean, for how often I would leave the house lately. And yesterday, he didn't even try holding back," Felix's hand unconciously reaches up, pawing at the bruise under his eye before wincing, "I can't come back there. I just can't."

The boy falls silent, his eyebrows furrowing as he nibbles at his lip.

And Changbin can't stand to see him like that, so he catches Felix's hand in his, before reassuring him, his voice clear and sounding way more confident than he felt at the moment, "We'll find a way."

He just hopes, that he's right this time.)

×

It's not really a surprise when later, he finds himself dragging Felix into his own house - their hands tangled together, their fingers interlocked on their way there, whispers and sudden midnight wisdom exchanged under the faint light of street lamps.

It's a little hilarious, and the night sky makes them feel lighter, and Changbin bumps his head against Felix's shoulder in between giggles, and he didn't notice it before, but Felix's lip has a little cut at the edge of it.

There's a mix of concern and an urge to kiss it away, but he ignores it in favour of opening the door, calling out quietly _Hyunjin, you awake?_

The only reply he gets is a muffled grunt from the taller boy's room, and he smiles briefly to himself before squeezing Felix's hand lightly and opening the door.

The pile of blankets on Hyunjin's bed moves, but the boy doesn't even bother to pop his head out and say hello, so Changbin pushes Felix gently onto the bed and the blankets screech at the sudden weight.

"Changbin, you asshole, you know I'm sick-" Hyunjin's voice sounds harsher than it usually does as the boy shuffles out, but he cuts himself off as his gaze meets someone that's definitely not Changbin, "...Felix?"

The duo just stares at each other for a second, both of their faces gaining a rosy color, and Changbin?

Changbin just laughs histerically at their reactions.

Maybe it's because of the late hour, maybe it's because of all the stress that's been building up the last few weeks, but he can't hold himself back from giggling as he walks closer, throwing himself on top of the two and the pile of blankets, ignoring their synchronized whines.

"You'll both get yourself sick, you idiots" murmurs Hyunjin, but doesn't try to wiggle away when Changbin cuddles up to his neck, his leg thrown over both him and Felix in a way to hold both boys, and the blonde smiles fully for the first time that night when he responds with, "don't care."

And at that exact moment, they're alright.

Changbin lets himself forget about tomorrow as he whispers _I love you_ , lets himself forget about his forget about his worries as Felix murmurs it back.

(Hyunjin doesn't repeat it, but Changbin can tell the words keep circling in his mind as Hyunjin's eyes soften, the corner of his lips turning upwards gently.)

They'll deal with everything tomorrow - right now, though, Changbin lets himself enjoy the moment.

×

(Hyunjin was right; they do end up sick, cuddling on Chan's couch as the older wraps them up in a blanket with a scolding look on his face.

"You're dumb," comments Hyunjin from the other side of the couch, and Chan doesn't even bother to chide the boy when Changbin replies with a chocked out _shut up_.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if it wasn't clear (tbh it probably wasn't) in the story felix ends up living with chan!! so that he gets his happy ending, don't worry. (can u tell that i love the aussie line because yeah)  
> anyway, thank you all for reading this!! it took me a while to write, as this fic deals with stuff that's really personal and at times i just didn't have the energy to write it with my own problems troubling me - but it's finally finished, and i hope that you all enjoyed this! also, i hope i didn't rip your hearts out fjhsjdhs


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